Biden My Time

Greetings once again sub creatures. It is I, The Manta Who Walks Among You. It has been some time since I graced you with my presence, and for that I am not sorry. It is you who should have sought me out, not the other way around! Whilst I was out pounding the campaign trail for your futures, you sat on your fishy duffs, waiting for the next hand out. You fools! That is how we ended up with the likes of Ack-Wa Man and Soupermang running the show in the first place! Are you ingrates willing to sit back and let that happen for another 60 years!?


But I digress. My purpose in hailing you was to not lord over your endless failings as registered voters, but to provide you with the proper leadership during those dark days I am unable to be your guiding lighthouse...and by that, I mean to say...I have officially dropped out of the running for United States President and plan to endorse the only real candidate in this rat race: Barack Obama.

I know, I know. I too thought of myself as the shoe-in. However the shoe horn of popular politics has long scorned my soul. But fear not my brainless minions, this Obama seems to know what he is doing. And Biden is a former Scrantonite. You may not be aware, but Your Lord and Manta has a soft spot for that po-dunk town: I arranged my first illegal arms deal there. Ahhh, the good old days. So as Lord Of The Seas and Master Of All Things Aquatic I hereby renounce the political land scape and return to the job I was born to rule: menacing the undersea joke known as Ack-Wa Man.

Get ready gillsucker...I've been training with the likes of Hillary and McCain. You're fish food next to that crowd.

The Main Manta

A New Canidate

AP "Associated Press"- In a surprise press conference somewhere beneath the ocean, Maritime Entrepreneur Black Manta has announced he will run for president as a third party candidate. Black Manta has alluded to a possible political career before. In a video conference call he was told the current U.N. Assembled, "Soon you will all follow the will of BLACK MANTA."
When asked why he has chosen to announce his candidacy very late in comparison to his rivals Mr. Manta responded "Black Manta finds no need for a long primary campaign, when the complete destruction of his adversaries is inevitable."
Many Third Party Political Analysts were stunned that Black Manta has decided not to run as a member of The United Fascist Union. This could be because of a recent rift with in the party over who shall be supreme ruler once the world is united into a Confederacy of Countries. Black Manta may also have left the party due to The United Fascist Union refusal to classify the ocean as a sovereign nation.
At his press conference Mr. Manta outlined the main steps of his presidential platform.
1. Federal health care for all Americans.
2. Increased jobs.
3. Continued economic growth by lowering restrictions against pollutants in the water.
4. Continued fight against terrorism, especially activities of Ack-wa Man.
5. Reduce the deficit.

When asked by a reporter if his presidential campaign was a ploy to use Federal resources to advance his own corporate interests, Mr. Manta responded by throwing a spear through the chest of the reporter. He the shouted "This press conference is over" and blasted through the ceiling on a rocket powered podium.